Pastor

We live in a world where what was once considered immoral is now accepted as somewhat normal sexual behavior. An even more alarming fact is that affairs, and sexual promiscuity like "hooking up" are also becoming prevalent within the church. What is going on that has give rise to these shifts in values and behaviors?

Modesty is a forgotten concept in our day and age when flaunting one's sexuality seems to be what's expected. But modesty goes beyond merely not dressing in ways that are sexually provocative. Relating to others in ways that are sexually manipulative can also be classified as being immodest.

What we often describe as falling in love is more often than not lust instead of love. Lust has a demand behind it that requires another person make me feel good about being me. Conversely, love is measure in one's willingness to sacrifice for the well-being of the other.

There are probably more songs, films, T.V. shows, and books written about love than any other topic, and yet, the number of marriages that last a lifetime are fewer and fewer every year. Why do we talk so much about love and yet know so little about true love? The answer may lie in reexamining our understanding of love.

Femininity has become so distorted that many women (and men) are confused about what it means to be a woman. Silly stereotypes are not the essence for true femininity. It's the inner beauty of a woman's soul where her real essence resides.

Most men are not naturally reflective. Maybe that's why men don't often ask what it means to be a man. But when they are honest with themselves, most men struggle with feelings of inadequacy, of not knowing what to do when faced with some form of chaos. And when men don't know what to do, they retreat, disappear and go silent.

Sexual promiscuity seems to be the expected norm for teens and single adults in today's world. That kind of culture presents unique challenges for Christians who are trying to live consistent with biblical standards in spite of the pressures to be sexually active.

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In a world where sexual indulgence seems to be the accepted norm, what does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a woman? Those are not the first questions that come to mind when thinking about the sexual challenges facing individuals today. Most Christians focus on controlling what seems to be out-of-control sexual behaviors that the rest of society has given up on. But the core challenges are more than what meets the eye. The most important sexual challenges go much deeper.

The concept of biblical counseling is a topic of much debate. While some may want to limit it to merely prescribing Scriptures to help people get better, biblical counseling is far more extensive and engaging.

Everyone wants to be liked. However, what often begins as a good desire to be liked or to please can degenerated into allowing the opinions and evaluations of others to determine who we are and how we relate. Learning how to recognize how much power the opinions of others have over us is vital to living primarily to please God, not others.

Judgment is a part of living in a world with other people who are constantly evaluating everything about who you are and what you do. The key to handling the judgment of others well is learning to evaluate their comments in the light of God's ultimate evaluation of who we are and how we relate.

People consistently make judgments about things, ideas, and other people all the time. The question is whether or not they are being judgmental in the process. Understanding the difference between a judgmental attitude that leads to pride and a healthy discernment that leads to wisdom is essential for a maturing Christian.

The accusation of being judgmental is thrown around a lot in today's culture. Having an opposing opinion is not being judgmental. Imposing your opinion on others is. There is a clear difference between being judgmental and being discerning. Wise discernment doesn't dismiss or demean others who hold to different values, but neither does it compromise sound biblical values just because they are unpopular.

Rejection is never pain-free. If it is, then you've steeled yourself to never allow anyone to really get close to you. However, honestly facing the pain of rejection from others--especially those you care about--can lead you to see more clearly whose opinion matters the most to you.

Forgiveness is a necessity for any meaningful relationship to last for more than a day. The reason is because we are so poor at loving well. Forgiving those who hurt us for the pain that we can't forget is part of the ongoing gift of grace in relationships. But forgiveness is not just a verbal proclamation; it's an on-going process of restoration.

Controlling relationships are always disconcerting and chaotic. That's what controllers do--they uses chaos and confusion to maintain the power over others. It takes help to get away from the controller long enough to talk about the issues involved and to establish a plan for addressing the issues in a way that provides a reasonable level of safety for all involved.