Pillow Talk

Audio By Carbonatix

It’s late at night. You and your wife have just gone to bed. The lights are out but the moon is shining through the curtains casting a pale light in the room. You are facing each other, with your heads on your pillow, and you both breathe a heavy sigh. This is the first opportunity you’ve had to rest and spend a few moments talking.

Hit the pause button—that’s not the kind of pillow talk I’m referring to—I’m talking about sex, baby!

When practiced healthily, sex is an incredibly positive connector within a marriage. It creates a world where only the two exist, a place reserved for husband and wife alone. Connecting the two both physically and emotionally, it unites them in body and spirit. This is a natural adhesive that helps to hold them together—the bond is so powerful it even has a way of smoothing out rough areas in a marriage. No kidding, it can solve arguments and dissolve disagreements in the amount of time it takes to dance the Tango nude. And that’s a really good thing.

Still, the topic of sex can be one of the most difficult discussion topics in a marriage. Not only is it deeply personal with the potential to be very complicated and confusing, but the process of discovering sexual satisfaction is also an always-changing, always-adapting experience in marriage. It can get better and better with age, but it remains a fascinating, unique, never-ending process of learning. As long as you and your wife are married, the topic of sex will provide plenty of room for discussion—and for discovering each other. That’s why it’s so vital to regularly evaluate your sex life.

There are some simple ways to incorporate “pillow talk” in your marriage. You can try to initiate the discussion by having each of you complete the following sentences: “When we got married, my expectations of sex were…” or, “When it comes to sex, the most difficult thing to talk about with my spouse is ____ because…”

Another exercise you can try is to indicate whether the following statements are true or false:

At times, I am uncomfortable discussing sex with my spouse. In our marriage, sex can become leverage. In our marriage, my spouse is sexually satisfied.

A discussion about the messages you received about sex from your childhood, culture, or your church that you have carried into your marriage is another way to get the conversation going in the right direction. Simply ask your wife for one easy adjustment you could make to bring about a more satisfying sex life.

If sex is difficult to talk about, you might consider professional help. Just a few appointments with a knowledgeable counselor could get a couple moving forward—toward a more satisfying sex life. If either spouse is not having their needs met in this area, it could lead them to stray or search for fulfillment in all the wrong places. That’s what makes this an incredibly important topic for married couples.

And don’t make the mistake of thinking it’s a one-time discussion. If you plan to enjoy sex with your wife until death do you part, then you should plan on spending some time talking about it as you grow older together. Our bodies change, and so do our needs.

Now that’s my kind of pillow talk!