6 Ways to Help Your Teen Navigate Social Media and Peer Pressure
Parenting
Audio By Carbonatix
By Jaime Jo Wright, Crosswalk.com
Oh, the joys of social media and peer pressure! It’s an entirely different world from when I was growing up. I remember having to wait from Wednesday night youth group to Sunday morning Sunday School to talk to my best friend. Now, my daughter can have her BFF in her back pocket all day on video chat if I allow it.
It’s a whole new world. So how do we help our teens navigate it? I would argue that a lot of the same parenting advice applies now, just as it did when we were teenagers.
Let’s look at some ways that are tried and true and still applicable today, as well as some new things we should consider:
1. Pray with and Over Your Teen
Social media hasn’t changed this foundational truth. I remember my parents praying with me as a teenager and praying over me. I remember my mom praying for me as I left the house to hang out with my friends, and now I pray for my kids as they video chat from their rooms.
As parents, we need to ground our approach to helping our teens navigate social media in prayer. And, we can even invite our teens to pray alongside us about the pressures they face online. Because there are pressures! So many pressures. Very possibly more than we experienced just because their world is so wide.
2. Keep the Conversation Open, Not Fearful
In my decades of youth ministry, I have seen parents create barriers with their teenagers by giving charged, reactionary responses. It’s easy to do, and in the age of social media and online gaming, sometimes you will stumble across someone being in your home that you simply did not invite in.
I walked in on my son playing an online game with some “friends.” We have rules against video or voice chat, but they had a text box open. In it, there was language I wasn’t a fan of at all—some of it bordering on online bullying. My gut reaction was to slam my son’s computer shut. But instead, I asked questions about what I was reading. I asked him what he thought of it. What was his involvement? Did he think it was a good environment? And in the end, he shut his own computer and opted out of that particular game room.
You definitely want to create a judgment-free space where your teen can talk about what they see and experience online. Lead with curiosity, not panic. Then enforce the proper safeguards, but help your child to create those with you, not because of you.
3. Teach Them Their Identity Is in Christ, Not Likes
Nothing is worse than finding out your teenager’s self-esteem is being bolstered and/or formed by social media likes, follows, reposts, and shares. I’ve seen teens comparing their follower counts, and I’ve seen literal depression stemming from the fact that a teen hasn’t been able to break the 10K follower cap when another friend is well over 100K.
It becomes a rat race or a hamster wheel of social media proportions. Studies show it can lead to depression, animosity, lack of motivation, and sometimes even suicide.
It is critical to help your teen understand that their worth isn't measured by followers, comments, or comparisons. Redirect them to Scripture. Teach them that their identity is in Jesus, and be very aware of their spiritual walk. Affirm them with the promises and the truths that are found within the pages of Scripture that help to define their value.
4. Model Healthy Social Media Use Yourself
Nothing kills the validity of your argument that your kid is online too much or misusing social media more than if you do it. Teens notice hypocrisy, and they will notice if you’re doomscrolling for hours, on your phone at the dinner table, constantly connected to your texts and social media, and so on.
It is very important that you model balanced, kind, and intentional online behavior for your children in your own life. Set limits for yourself. Be the one to set your phone down first, to ignore that notification sound, and to not share absolutely everything online.
It’s also important that you don't share all your children’s business online. Ask your teens for permission to share their photo before you do. Or include them in what you’re posting so they don’t feel embarrassed by their parents’ social media. This helps teach your teenagers mutual respect for others’ privacy.
5. Encourage Real-World Community
While not all online friendships are bad—in fact, some can be very healthy and even important for your teenager—it’s also good to encourage that real-world community. Even if their main friends seem to be online, there is still huge value in face-to-face conversation and interaction.
Make it a priority—if not a requirement—that they engage with people in social arenas that are not solely based online. This means things like youth group, church activities, sports, and other activities along those lines.
Another thing to be mindful of is that while your teenager is at these activities, they’re not spending time on their phones. Phones go with them everywhere these days, and so does social media. Just because they’re in a public arena with opportunities to socialize in person doesn’t mean they’re taking advantage of it. I’ve seen many situations where groups of teenagers are “together” while each is on their own phone, doing their own thing on social media or gaming platforms.
Help your teenager set boundaries. When at youth group, sporting events, or what-have-you, screen time should be limited.
6. Invest in Your Teens Faith Foundation
The world of social media and the peer pressure that comes with it are not going away. But just as when we were young, so it is today. We need to invest in our children’s faith. This means that we don’t rely on our youth pastors and leaders to be the primary teachers of our children’s faith. We need to take that role. Be personally invested in helping your teenagers build that foundation of faith. Hold them accountable to be involved in areas that will encourage that growth. Model it yourself.
In the end, and as always, go to Scripture to find out the best ways to navigate your teenager’s experience with social media and peer pressure. No, there isn’t a verse that specifically addresses the pitfalls or wonders of TikTok, but the principles of living a healthy, God-honoring life are all there. Nothing has changed! Sure, we need to be aware of the nuances that come with the ever-infringing element of online presence in our lives. But God never changes. His precepts stay the same. In the end, that is where our eyes should be fixed, and in turn, we have a responsibility to steer our children’s gazes toward Jesus as well.
